Not enough time to read the whole thing? Scroll down to 'SO YES, OFF COURSE YOU CAN HELP ME' on how you can and why you should help me!
FAMILIAR WITH THIS?
Your house is tidy and clean, your day is still young and your pencil is sharpened. Your morning coffee is just about the right temparature to take a sip, it's rainy outside so inside is the most comfy place to be and that bite of a crispy croissant makes this start of the day complete. Ready to rock, ready to get this project going!
But although above circumstnces are considered perfect, there is not much happening. It is not that you are not trying. No, you are. But it doesn't lead anywhere. Well it doen't get you to anything really good. All those ideas you had, had a maximum potential for an 'OK'. Pfff what the F can you do with an okay? Not much really... right? So better chuck them in the bin and start over again. From scratch. In search of that something called PERFECTION.
Because let's keep it real. Do you want to be mediocre? Off course you don't. Society doens't want you to be average. No, no... you have to deliver. You have to produce. Results, results, results. Thats what counts and thats what only counts. They give you succes and once there is succes, and yes you know it's true, there is love. People love you once you show how much of great results you can deliver. Your professors, bosses, colleagues, friends and even your family, they all want to see you achieve. Right?
But what does this pressure do to you? Does it make you feel free to make the best of it? Or does this expectations bring you down? are you maybe too anxious to even start somewhere? Anywhere actually with anything? Are you somewhere familiar with this introduction? Well I am and I know a lot of others are too.
ME, THE PERFECTIONIST
So let’s start with a confession: I am a perfectionist. Some people see this as an advantage. And why not? It gets me the motivation to achieve great results. And I have to say that I did come far with this mentality.. But I am leaning more towards the side of being the neurotic or the so called unhealthy perfectionist, what is quite a burden.
The weird thing is, is that ‘the perfect’ does give me a big result. But in the end this result, that I have been fighting so hard for, doesn’t really satisfy that much. I am exhausted. Being a perfectionist mostly drags me down a line of immense pressure and tension. It takes away the space I need so much to be friendly, creative or have patience. It takes away the space to feel love. Love for others, but most important: love for myself.
ITS GRADUATION TIME
When about to graduate in my masters in Documentary Filmmaking, I face a lot of expectations. Here in Portugal, where this last period takes place, it all comes to me individually to make a killer of a film. One last chance to show people what I am worth it and what a brilliant filmmaker I am or can be. And then off course came this instinct right up: it had to be fucking perfect.
And yes, this was the time it had to happen. All these films I made before didn’t mean much any more. We we’re now talking about my graduation film. Every single thing related to cinema I was dealing with in these last years, they all had to be used for this final film. EVERYTHING.
So… BE GOOD, BETTER, BEST, BRILLIANT, OUTSTANDING, PERFECT.
These we’re the only words I heard spinning around in my head. I heard a lot of voices: friends, family, teachers, colleagues, random people, animals, and whatever. But mainly my own voice: ROM, NAIL IT!
Instead of nailing it, I completely collapsed of this pressure. All possible films I had thought off, they all died in the research phase. Because I didn’t see any potential in them to serve me that perfect film. While the deadline was coming closer, I had nada, nothing, niente, niets. This was never going to get me anywhere. Not alive. I needed to…
TURN AROUND MATE!
To save myself, I needed to go against this perfection….
Imperfection is what I need. But how can I not aim for a perfect result? Is there any other possibility? Maybe just go and leave everything behind? And what about a script? What should I take with me? What kind of camera am I going to use? In a team or alone? Who will I film? What will I ask them? What will be my style? Colors? Sound? Rhythm? CONTROL, CONTROL, CONTROL, how can I let go of you?
What if I just go and not care about all of the above? What if I just take some basic needs to film, some clothes and a tent and leave? Dude you have a car here. Portugal is beautiful! Tomorrow I get the hell out of this dark office and face the adventure!
And this where the film ‘180°’ saw its first light.
And I did as I promised myself. I left and just drove south. That first night I met Slim. A Rastafarian man from Manchester visiting the south. He gave me some inspiring words and told me to play my film as if it was a game. If I wanted to play? “Yes”. The rules would be told to me in his radio show the next day.
And from there and then the adventrue took off. Slim sent me to the first person called 'Caubi'. He was the owner of the reggae bar where we meet. Because regarding to one of the rules I just go, it was not in control of who I was going to film:
- RULE #1: You don’t decide on who to film. Each person you film choses the next one.
- I realized more and more how enjoyable it was to give away control. In this case to someone who came up with a game that would guide me on an adventure through a beautiful country, inspiring people and mostly through an imperfect ME.
And also it was not up to me to decide what I was going to talk about, no...
RULE #2: You don’t decide on what to talk about. Each person you meet will chose one of the themes you take along with you.
And this is how I got to speak with Caubi about 'freedom', with Diogo about 'perfection', with Toi about 'succes' and with Mitch about 'worries', or 'no worries mate'. Each and every meeting with each and every person was very special, moving and left me with some insight to think about. Mostly inspired and happy I drove myself to every new destination I got to eventually end up back home here close to Lisbon.
I got home with a loads. Loads to think about an digest, loads of gigabytes to turn into a film and loads of inpiration! And all this energy resulted in a motivation not for only me to be moved by this all, but also a big need to share what I experienced with the outside world!
SO YES, OFF COURSE YOU CAN HELP ME :-)
And with your support I can finish my film, complete my adventure, graduate and far most important: share all of this with every one of you. Some of the things I experienced we’re really strong universal lessons of life. If I can only share a ray of light from all that light i have been blinded by in the past weeks... WOW!
That’s why I truly believe that my film can inspire any one of us, all in a different way. And that is my biggest motivation to now finish this film.
So that is why I need your help to get my film out there and inspire more people then just myself. And that is what this campaign is all about. It is off course to inform all of you on what I am doing and therefore I want to firstly thank you for getting this far. And yes I feel the love and I really appreciate all of it, but let's now talk about some hard €s and what I can do back for it out of love!
On the right you see the rewards that all of them I will personally fulfill. The amount I am aiming for gives me the chance to finish my film the way I would like to and it helps me to get me home safely (and who doesn't want that?!!!).
I highly appreciate your attention and any help you can give!